


Break My Heart

by soldiermom1973



Series: Virmire Survivor [16]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Backstory, Gen, MER week 2018, Mass Effect 2, Virmire Survivor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-20 18:59:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14900153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soldiermom1973/pseuds/soldiermom1973
Summary: Josie deals with the aftermath from the Horizon mission.





	Break My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> For the [Mass Effect Relationships Week](http://vorchagirl.tumblr.com/post/161389252811/mass-effect-relationships-week-fanfiction-promps) thing over on tumblr. Better late than never, I guess.

Josie barely heard her door chime. She sat on her couch with several empty bottles around her and Kaidan's picture cradled lovingly in her lap. Horizon had gone well, all things considered, but that didn't stop her from wondering if she could have done more. What if they had gotten there sooner? Moved through the colony faster? Maybe tried the thannix cannons on the Collector ship before it took off? What was really killing her, though, was Ashley. Berating herself for not doing more to save the colony was nothing compared to the rock that clenched deep in her stomach. The echoing ping of her doorbell was distant in her mind's playback of the day's events. Josie turned toward the sound, but didn't move from her spot.

The door chimed again, this time accompanied by EDI's voice explaining Garrus was outside. “Fine,” she grumbled, still not moving from the couch. She took a long pull from a bottle, not looking up when the door hissed and she heard Garrus's heavy footsteps descend the stairs.

“Missed you at dinner,” he said, “so I had Gardner throw a plate together for you. From the looks of things, I think he took my request too literally.”

The turian placed a plate of food in front of her, complete with fork, knife, spoon, and a napkin. Josie had to laugh at the plate's appearance – it really did look like the resident chef just tossed whatever on the plate with no consideration as to how it might look. “It's all going to the same place,” she shrugged.

“Are you going to eat it?” Garrus asked when she didn't move.

“Maybe. Eventually,” she shrugged and took another drink.

Garrus sat across from her on the couch and studied her for a few moments. “She was wrong, you know,” he finally said.

Josie pressed her lips together and didn't answer. She knew Garrus was trying to cheer her up, but hearing someone she considered a sister all but call her a traitor cut her deep. Her sinuses started to burn and her eyes blurred with unshed tears as her mind looped their confrontation over and over.

“Shepard,” Garrus murmured, placing a hand on her arm. “You haven't done anything wrong.”

“Haven't I?” she spat. “I made a deal with the devil, Garrus, and what has it gotten me? Anderson, Hackett, the Council, the Alliance... all of them think I'm a traitor because I want to _help_! Because none of them are willing to lift a finger, I'm the bad guy by accepting whatever the Illusive Man can give me to get this done. And Ash...”

Josie broke down, burying her face in her hands as tears fell against Kaidan's picture. “If she feels this strongly about it, what would Kaidan have thought? Would he hate me, too?” Her words were muffled against damp palms. “Ash was like my sister and Kaidan and I were... we were...”

Her words were lost as another sob tore from her throat. Garrus sighed and pulled Josie against him, carefully placing Kaidan's picture on the table next to the plate of forgotten food. He wasn't great with human emotions or how to comfort someone like this, but he'd seen enough vids to guess that his friend needed to be hugged and held. “Ash doesn't hate you, Shepard,” he murmured against her hair. “She's angry and confused and probably hurt. Put yourself in her shoes. If you thought she was dead, wouldn't you be upset to find out she was actually alive and didn't let you know?”

“But I _tried_ , Garrus! I wanted to send her a message or something!” Josie sobbed. “Anderson wouldn't tell me where she was. Hackett wouldn't help, either. I would have told her that if she would have let me explain!”

Garrus ran his talons through Josie's hair and hummed deep in his chest. He didn't think she'd be able to hear the sound since turian subvocals were often in a range outside of human hearing, but he was pretty sure the vibrations in his chest would be just as soothing. He hummed a song his mother used to sing to him when he was little and had a nightmare; he hoped Shepard would find some measure of comfort in it, too.

They stayed like that for several moments – Josie allowing herself to be vulnerable and open with a friend she trusted and Garrus offering whatever peace he could. After a while, Josie pulled away and wiped her nose on the back of her hand.

“I did try getting a hold of her, Garrus,” she sniffed, wiping the back of her hands on the napkin. “I couldn't even send her a message because her stuff was so highly classified. I mean, if Illusive couldn't find her...”

“But he did find her, didn't he? He knew she was on Horizon.” Garrus interrupted.

Realization dawned on Josie. TIM had told her Ash's file was 'surprisingly well-classified'. If that was the case, then how did he know she was on Horizon? “Garrus, do you think the Illusive Man set this whole thing up? Tipped off the Alliance so they'd send Ash out there?”

She leaned back and looked at her friend, blinking away the tears as anger took over the pain in her heart.

“It's possible,” the turian conceded.

Josie stood, brushed her hands along her cheeks, and started pacing. “I mean, why though? Why would he do that? Why risk this ship and you guys? Unless maybe Ash was right. What if he's actually working with the Collectors?”

The more she talked, the angrier she got. She knew climbing into bed with Cerberus was a bad idea, but if she was inadvertently helping the Collectors because Cerberus was also working with them, there would be hell to pay.

“Maybe you should talk to him and see what he says,” Garrus suggested. “He spent a lot of credits on this. Between bringing you back and building this ship, I'm surprised he isn't broke.”

That idea calmed Josie a little, enough for the hurt of Horizon to rear its ugly head again. “And what about Ash?” she wondered. “Should I try to talk to her? Get her to see my point...”

“I think you should give Ash some space,” Garrus advised her, pushing himself off of the couch. “Things are still pretty raw. You should both calm down and get yourselves some better headspace.”

“Commander, the Illusive Man wishes to speak to you in the comms room.” Kelly's voice echoed through Josie's room.

“Right. Sure. I'll be right down.” Josie cleared her throat and wiped her cheeks with her hand again. “I should probably freshen up a bit, huh? Don't want him knowing how much this affected me.”

“That's probably a good idea,” Garrus chuckled. “And for what it's worth, you're doing the right thing, Shepard. I wouldn't be here otherwise.”

“Thanks, Garrus.” Josie gave her friend a hug. “And thanks for letting me get this off my chest.”

“Anytime, Shepard,” he hummed. “And don't worry, I won't tell Gardner you disrespected his meal presentation by not eating.”

Josie laughed and smacked his arm as he hurried to the door. “Ass,” she grinned. Her smile faded when the door hissed shut, though. She survived Mindoir and Akuze. She saved the Council when Sovereign attacked. She stopped Saren. Between all of that and the other, smaller missions Hackett had her do, she thought she'd done enough for people to trust that she was doing the right thing. Ashley's reaction on Horizon was more than enough to tell Josie she thought wrong.


End file.
